Furniture Destruction Artist Gifts

"I have a couple of other projects I'm excited about."

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

'Wow...Your work is amazing!'

'This is my natural habitat.'

"Hello?"

"We didn't have any whipped cream, so I used foaming hand soap."

"Mom, can I obliterate New Jersey? Pleeease, mom?"

"The piano's in tune, but the house is a little flat."

"You wouldn't believe a little dog like that could create so much hair."

'Sorry darling: I'm a great ape, I can use primitive tools, but this is too difficult for me...'

Dog dreams of sleeping in masters chair.

"Look, you always hated the wicker furniture and bamboo is scarce, so consider it a win-win."

"The feds wanted to put me in witness protection, but after they saw what you did with my website, they figured you could hide me better."

"Just going to do a spot of D.I.Y. dear!"

Seat Belt

"My Graham is so creative, you wouldn't believe he makes all our furniture."

"Thanks. I feel much better now."

Ettore Uzza's Half-A-Loaf

"Sorry about the chairs, dear, but I'm desperate for wood chips!"

'Table for two...'

"Isn't that cute? She bought herself a little stool to sit on and watch us shred her chairs!"

'That's the problem with cats - they can be so destructive.'

'Ripping furniture to shreds doesn't turn me on anymore. What I'd like to get my claws on is somebody's reputation.'

It's A Footstool! It's A Hassock!!It's... OTTOMAN!!!

"He says he needs somewhere hotter to work from."

"Did I turn off the stove."

'In the interest of saving time, do you have any pre-shredded ones?'

Man blowing up cars.