Fur-tastic Humorist Gifts

"Who's showing remorse now that it's time for sentencing? Huh? Who's remorseful now? Who was soooo bad?"

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

Dog Hunting Trophies.

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

Little dog in Romance section in bookstore under sign: 'Puppy Love'

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

Tell me again how aloof and independent cats are.

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"He's no hat and all corgis."

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

"Yes, one is a dog."

'Jurassic Pork.'

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

Glance Exchange

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

'You've made a powerful enemy'

"Scuba cow"

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"