Funny Man Gifts

"I don't think air guitar counts."

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

'That's one hell of a cat-flap Harry. You must have a big cat, heh, heh.'

'Maybe the batteries are dead.'

'So one day I thought, I'll teach you brats to laugh at me!'

Man to other about fish on wall: Heh - I use that size fish for bait!'

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

Dog phrenology

How witness protection really works...

"I have an idea. How about I don't have to eat broccoli until I learn how to spell it."

"Ladies! Ladies! Do you wanna roll my Mercedes..."

'Great! You mean it's obedience school prom season already!'

"Every five minutes it's 'feed me this, get me that' or something along those lines, I mean, I'm parrot-phrasing."

'As you can see - it doesn't pay to badmouth the quarterback.'

'Mom, Dad - this is Jeremy.'

Fido phones

'I'm all about quantity.'

"Unexpected item in the bagging area..."

'Hello... Hare Club for Men...'

Our body parts

"Talking's ok but to me walking on your hind legs is simply taking anthropomorphism a bit too far."

"Waiter! - will my pizza be long?"

Fish building a bomb to save themselves.

"Madeleine is always losing her contact lenses"

"You see, I told you it was worth the climb! Your first 'bird's eye view'. . ."

Kenny's new ice-cube-pouch body suit helped him reduce his air-conditioning costs.

"I enjoy younger guys, but they have to be house-broken."

Ed's Pizza and the Cardiology Clinic.

"Y' know, Robert, they say it's unhealthy to bring your work home with you."

Walk the dog.

'You know, Miss, if you ever want to have an out-of-body, experience, I'll be glad to keep an eye on it for you!'

Bartender, there are some short hairs in my pink squirrel. As long as they're pink, what's the problem?

Your lips say "no," but your nostrils say "Don