Funny Man Gifts

"I don't think air guitar counts."

'That's one hell of a cat-flap Harry. You must have a big cat, heh, heh.'

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

'Maybe the batteries are dead.'

'So one day I thought, I'll teach you brats to laugh at me!'

Man to other about fish on wall: Heh - I use that size fish for bait!'

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

Dog phrenology

"I have an idea. How about I don't have to eat broccoli until I learn how to spell it."

How witness protection really works...

"Ladies! Ladies! Do you wanna roll my Mercedes..."

'Great! You mean it's obedience school prom season already!'

'As you can see - it doesn't pay to badmouth the quarterback.'

"Every five minutes it's 'feed me this, get me that' or something along those lines, I mean, I'm parrot-phrasing."

'Mom, Dad - this is Jeremy.'

'I'm all about quantity.'

"Waiter! - will my pizza be long?"

"Talking's ok but to me walking on your hind legs is simply taking anthropomorphism a bit too far."

Fish building a bomb to save themselves.

'Hello... Hare Club for Men...'

"Unexpected item in the bagging area..."

"Madeleine is always losing her contact lenses"

Our body parts

"You see, I told you it was worth the climb! Your first 'bird's eye view'. . ."

"I enjoy younger guys, but they have to be house-broken."

Ed's Pizza and the Cardiology Clinic.

"Y' know, Robert, they say it's unhealthy to bring your work home with you."

Walk the dog.

'You know, Miss, if you ever want to have an out-of-body, experience, I'll be glad to keep an eye on it for you!'

"Just shoot me if I ever take up power walking."