Funny Dad Gifts

How witness protection really works...

Cry babies.

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

'He's bound to wake up sometime!'

'Are we there yet?'

'Oh dear. He's got my eyes.'

"Sure was a lot of screaming for the happiest day of your life."

Fat Kid 14- Gets re-animated

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

'More toys! The way you kids spend, you must think bananas grow on trees.'

'Dad, are you sure this is building the right muscles for football?'

Pregnant man: 'My water just broke! False alarm. Just spilled my brewski.'

'He looks exactly like his father!'

'Good one Dad. Imagine your catch if you had bought us REAl fishing gear.'

Child on a schedule.

D-Day (Dad Day)

'Can you do the dishes, love. I'll do the school run.'

'He was a great player...he gained 'many cap's' for his Country !'

'It never fails. Two pizzas exhaust Dad as much as a 10 mile run exhausts me.'

'This mandarin chicken is delicious, Dad. It tastes like you bought it yourself.'

"When I said you could use other materials with the sand, I was thinking shells and driftwood."

'My husband wants to know if the sonogram can tell if the baby is a Red Sox or Yankees fan.'

Oh, Wow! With all this baby food flying around, I can't wait until he starts eating steak!!!

'Don't take it too hard, Dad, Mr. Hodes down the street is just having a great year.'

A man outside of gents toilet sees sign: New Men - With Baby changing facilities.

Nope, not how you change her diaper.

Mix up on the maternity ward.

"Dad, I need some help - what's 4 x 4?"

"So, you're the blind date! Listen, if it doesn't work out with my Lisa, just comeback: she has 27 sisters...."

Dad Socks / Dad Sex

"They'll come home. They're microchipped."

Bob's Unexpected Father's Day Gift...

"Daddy is fiscally buff."

Father's Day.

'Want to watch the Father-Son talk greatest hits?'