Comical Dad Humor Fan Gifts

'Dad, the kid who lives here has broken your hammer with his head.'

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

The Poky Little Pupa.

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

Suffering from Cooties?

"I need to know who started it."

'He's bound to wake up sometime!'

'Son, sometimes I think you don't know your head from your tail. Come to think of it, it is tough.'

"What do you call a person who only eats corn?"

"Look, honey, I got dinner on line!"

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

Next to Nothing

"How do you know you don't like New York if you've never even tasted it?"

"Good work Tim, you snatch it all: none of this sharing with your brother nonsense..."

'That's a picture of my granddad with shoulder length hair and a beard. That's why mom calls these albums hair looms.'

"I love my new tie! I'll wear it to work tomorrow." "The report'll be done shortly." "Excellent!"

Sperm Whale.

'Why is it taking so long to eat your soup?'

Hammer and chisel discussing what they've been doing, chisel says; 'Oh you know, getting into a few scrapes.'

"Good news. It wasn't a toxic chemical leak. It was an old pizza in your kid's room."

"I'll bet you're very proud of your handsome, well-behaved little sporks here."

Note Book

How witness protection really works...

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"

Official Team Cap With Beard

"It's a dependent!"

Chilly baby.

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

'Jimmie, run and tell your dad the tractor is flooded.'

'I did tell you there were speed bumps in this via.'

"Sure, Mom, I'll eat first, but then can we discuss my 'overseas adoption'?"

'Please tell me I'm adopted.'