Comical Dad Humor Fan Gifts

'Dad, the kid who lives here has broken your hammer with his head.'

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

"I need to know who started it."

Suffering from Cooties?

'He's bound to wake up sometime!'

"What do you call a person who only eats corn?"

'Son, sometimes I think you don't know your head from your tail. Come to think of it, it is tough.'

"Look, honey, I got dinner on line!"

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

Next to Nothing

"Good work Tim, you snatch it all: none of this sharing with your brother nonsense..."

"I love my new tie! I'll wear it to work tomorrow." "The report'll be done shortly." "Excellent!"

'That's a picture of my granddad with shoulder length hair and a beard. That's why mom calls these albums hair looms.'

'Why is it taking so long to eat your soup?'

Hammer and chisel discussing what they've been doing, chisel says; 'Oh you know, getting into a few scrapes.'

"Good news. It wasn't a toxic chemical leak. It was an old pizza in your kid's room."

How witness protection really works...

Official Team Cap With Beard

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"

Note Book

"It's a dependent!"

Chilly baby.

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

Looky... It's Bat'minton... I'll see myself out."

"Sure, Mom, I'll eat first, but then can we discuss my 'overseas adoption'?"

'I did tell you there were speed bumps in this via.'

'Jimmie, run and tell your dad the tractor is flooded.'