Funny Gift Admirer Pillows

"Sorry Rudolph, this year I'm going with Steve and his sweet disco ball nose."

Lactose Intolerant

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

'Ya gotta love the way this farmer gets into Halloween spirit.'

"Captain, we've taken on strippers."

'Hey, mac, is this your idea of glasnost?'

"I think you've overfed the plant!"

Cat on Computer Keyboard.

'A free goldfish with every house you buy!'

He'll never melt. I made him from fast food milkshakes.

"I'm going to have to ask you to accompany me to the Police Station!"

'First, let me apologize for suggesting you throw horseshoes as therapy.'

"Gladys, look! My kids made me a card for Mother's Day!"

Hissy-fits for sale.

A giant cat sleeps fitfully with four humans on the bed

'You're not from around here, are you?'

'He's not leaving, but if we collect enough, he might.'

Chilli Quartet

"That does it, I'm getting a snow blower!"

'I'm sorry, buddy, but I ran out of bandicoots around Belgium.'

'I don't know about you but I spend a fortune on shoes.'

Beer Belly/Vodka Elbow

'This milk smells funny.'

Welcome centre

Father Goldfish: 'One day Son, this will all be yours.'

Old lady posts adverts for fur gloves over poster of a lost cat,

"You paid to have a grain of sand named after me? You're such an idiot."

The Next Product For Boomers: Designer Adult Diapers.

"I sense a change in the weather! So I bought you this..."

Nail Bar

Scientist using his microscope to thread a needle to repair his torn shirt.

'I know we asked for a room with running water,but...'

"What did your tia Carmen get you for Christmas?"

"It's four pounds a night, and one hour treadmill time..."