Funny Couple Banter Pillows

"I love you but I love my chocolate fudge sundae more."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

"So that's where you were last night."

"I'm pretty lucky. I have a wife that tolerates both my lactose and bad habits."

'The rain must have made our garage shrink...'

'Use a tissue, dear. There's an icicle on your nose.'

Female sock walks away from male sock, saying: 'Look, it's just a trial separation, OK?'

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

"I want to make it with you."

"Let's just say that you're not trending on any site on the internet!"

"Sorry. No refunds."

'Oh, don't feel bad. They say it happens to all men at some point. But then again, I never did hear of it happening to a bear!'

'And they lived happily ever after - well beyond their means.'

'Since we were first married, I vowed I'd never let Jim see me slopping around in the mornings with my hair in curlers!'

'Wait a minute, this prescription is for a dozen oysters and half an ounce of powdered rhino horn!'

'I see the glass as half-full. Whereas he sees the glass and blames me for the naked man hiding in the closet.'

'We were playing doctor until she hit me with a malpractice suit!'

'That's in case there's any backsliding.'

Couple in front of computer. Screen reads 'Internet shopping with husband'. Husband is huffing, puffing and sighing.

"Well of course there's a damp patch on the mattress - does it matter who sleeps on it?"

'At home, he's my husband, here; he's my dump bucket.'

'You've got to be brave now... I'm not going to leave you in 2009!'

"Ever notice that you finish my sentences and. . ."

'Why am I not allowed to use this agricultural road, officer? My wife always calls me 'stupid ox''!

Man coming home to a spider

"He was twelve when we first met. Now, he;s twenty one... Stone, that is."

'You're totally unreasonable.'

"If you don't want me to sound like that when I imitate you, then don't sound like that when you talk to me."

'Behind every successful man there's a woman, telling him he isn't successful enough.'

'You can't take things personally --- it's only marriage.'

Moustache lotion

'My last boyfriend used to run out of petrol in much nicer surroundings.'