Couple Banter Lover Pillows

"He was twelve when we first met. Now, he;s twenty one... Stone, that is."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

Fuzz - Fuzzy writes a song with a positive message.

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

"That fish may be bigger, but I caught more."

"Why, Mr. Conly, I do believe you're trying to get me hydrated."

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. Amanda Kern. Comics Counseling. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

'Oh, yeah?...Well, no one has to follow me around with a pooper-scooper.'

'Oh, don't feel bad. They say it happens to all men at some point. But then again, I never did hear of it happening to a bear!'

'Thank you for your unsolicited parenting advice! In return, I'd like to tell you about a method I know for removing those unsightly age spots.'

'...I love it when you talk dirty!'

He's a brilliant doctor, but his bedside manner needs work…

'How come you always have to have the last . . .'

"My mom still makes all my clothes by hand."

Mysteries of the ocean...

"He may be evil, but his breath is like air conditioning."

'Wait a minute, this prescription is for a dozen oysters and half an ounce of powdered rhino horn!'

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

'If you are a complete pessimist does it mean you are positively negative!'

"I love you but I love my chocolate fudge sundae more."

'You're the most self-absorbed egomaniac it's ever been my misfortune to know.' 'I'm beginning to think we're on different wavelengths.'

'I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm saying if you're RIGHT, I'm a Dutch uncle.'

'You're totally unreasonable.'

Christmas Party Pick-up Lines.

'Why am I not allowed to use this agricultural road, officer? My wife always calls me 'stupid ox''!

"We did find a creative bone in your body, but it was very untalented."

'When you take off your glasses and put a bag over your head you're gorgeous!'

"I think it's time to give the word 'fabulous' back to the straight world."

"If you don't want me to sound like that when I imitate you, then don't sound like that when you talk to me."

I left you my savings, my pet plants, and my eternal love. What did you leave me, if you should die first? Don't be silly, dear. You're going way before me. Humor me!!! You should be happy I'll get to enjoy years of not picking up after you. How selfish can you be?! I'm sorry, dear.

"I'm the weakest link?"

"I'm going swearing now."

'I don't know, Sparky. I think you just met your match.'

'Behind every successful man there's a woman, telling him he isn't successful enough.'