Couple Banter Enthusiast Pillows

"If you don't want me to sound like that when I imitate you, then don't sound like that when you talk to me."

STILL LIVES - Apple half: 'Hi, I'd like you to meet the other half...'

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

"Homosapius amorius... the common lovebirds."

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

The Art of Bantering!

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

'You're looking well.'

"I was listening at the door and I overheard the nickname they have for me."

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"

'Do you mean I leave a lot to be desired bad, or a lot to be desired good?'

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

"I don't know—my gut tells me I should have another beer."

We're prepared to offer you a starting salary in the low six figures...if you count the decimal.

'Of course my wife understands me-that's why she's divorcing me!'

"Now just hold on...I've pre-recorded some snappy comebacks since I never remember them during these meetings."

Subtitle Guessing

"Oh, very funny. If you don't like my cooking just say so!"

'Sorry, I don't carry cash, I'm married!'

"I'm Tia Carmen...but I guess I'm not your tia, so you can just call me Carmen."

"When we get inside, remember to use your indoor whining and complaining voice."