Fun With Puns Pillows

'I'm from Australia, the land of hopportunity!'

HisssssHerssss....

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"It can't be much of a life working all day, but at least he gets to wear a stripey jersey."

Ms. Rusmore

"He refuses to use these now they've made them gender nonspecific."

'Do we have any alligator pears?'

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

Ghost Scare-apy Sessions

"The moment he told me he lived in a lighthouse, I knew he was a keeper."

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

'Wool ewe pullover yourself together.'

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

"Why do you call the new sheepdog Bra?"

'Oil painting is fine, but I can't do watercolours, obviously...'

'And in conclusion...'

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

Artichoking victim

"He has extremely advanced motor skills."

"Unplug and chill out."

"This must be for charging bigger vehicles."

'According to his will, Tiddles left the bulk of his estate to himself. Because, he still has eight lives left.'

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

Museum of Mediocre Art.

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

"Your four-o'clock is here."

"Every five minutes it's 'feed me this, get me that' or something along those lines, I mean, I'm parrot-phrasing."