Playful Pun Maker Pillows

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"You're such a good listener."

Do it yourself books.

"It can't be much of a life working all day, but at least he gets to wear a stripey jersey."

"He refuses to use these now they've made them gender nonspecific."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

'It's only four acres but we're glad we bought it - he's always wanted to be an expert in his own field.'

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

Ghost Scare-apy Sessions

'Oil painting is fine, but I can't do watercolours, obviously...'

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

"This must be for charging bigger vehicles."

Bell Hop

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

Museum of Mediocre Art.

'You give me goose bumps!'

The static electric eel is very rare.

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

Weather forecast

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

'It's for my teacher. Do you have one with love spelled right?'

'No, I said put the money in the Caymen Islands.'

"Remember I promised you some fun and games in the bedroom?"

A robber halds up a hair salon with a hairdryer pointed at the customers - 'Hand over all your hair restorer or I'll blow you away!'

Pavement artist.

No, he's not metamorphosing. He's in a time-out.

'It's as I feared: you have got a novel in you.'

I'm starting to think you keep working on that thing just to avoid talking to me.