Fueling Humorist Gifts

'I've been thinking of selling off all our assets and buying a gas station.'

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

I don't know what happened to the poor guy, but he's visibly shaken.

Rising Gas Prices

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

Stock Market Research and Analysis

Alcoholics Anonymous - 'Nowadays every bottle seems to say 'drink me'.'

"Welcome to Trapeze Talent Inc. If you'd like us to catch you, fill out this form, and we'll get back to you if we're interested."

Gas Price Reads: Way Too Much.

'Think Basics.'

Budget Opticians.

'Look, they're slowing down.'

"Hey, this is a marathon, not a sprint."

With gas prices soaring, many stations have begun posting EMS teams next to their pumps.

"Sin tax? I love it."

'Except for that, how did the experimental plane perform?'

Annual 10K Fun Run

'Yes, it is a 'wonderful discovery'. But whatever you do, don't touch it!'

'Bascombe has put all his mutual fund assets into a blind trust, but it was set up so well he can't even locate it.'

Shouldn't you clean the windscreen?

"This guy's been acting kinda funny."

"It's a deal! We start shorting the 'Shock and Owe' interventionist government economic bail out for the economy."

"And that's why I avoid moisture-wicking sportswear."

'You want to get me the owner's manual out of the glove compartment?'

"We get your point about legroom, now please put them back in the cabin"

'Installing 6 foot spikes to stop cars from tailgating me.'

"There's that frantic thumping noise again."

"Hey! It was supposed to be a hare."

"It's nothing serious...just a flooded engine."

Just another day at a British Petroleum cafeteria.

'Hey -- Watch it with the tailgating'

'Fill it faster,the price has gone up twice since you started.'

'Make sure you get unleaded...'

'It's the world's tallest oil slick.'

"I'll race you the last inch."