Fueling Humorist Pillows

'I've been thinking of selling off all our assets and buying a gas station.'

Rising Gas Prices

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

Alcoholics Anonymous - 'Nowadays every bottle seems to say 'drink me'.'

Gas Price Reads: Way Too Much.

'Think Basics.'

Budget Opticians.

'Look, they're slowing down.'

"Hey, this is a marathon, not a sprint."

'Except for that, how did the experimental plane perform?'

Annual 10K Fun Run

'Yes, it is a 'wonderful discovery'. But whatever you do, don't touch it!'

'Bascombe has put all his mutual fund assets into a blind trust, but it was set up so well he can't even locate it.'

Shouldn't you clean the windscreen?

"This guy's been acting kinda funny."

"And that's why I avoid moisture-wicking sportswear."

"It's a deal! We start shorting the 'Shock and Owe' interventionist government economic bail out for the economy."

'You want to get me the owner's manual out of the glove compartment?'

"We get your point about legroom, now please put them back in the cabin"

'Installing 6 foot spikes to stop cars from tailgating me.'

'It's the world's tallest oil slick.'

'Make sure you get unleaded...'

"There's that frantic thumping noise again."

'Fill it faster,the price has gone up twice since you started.'

"I'll race you the last inch."

"Hey! It was supposed to be a hare."

'Hey -- Watch it with the tailgating'

Chief, call you back. Something's come up.