Friendship Fixer Gifts

Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Send your questions to asksadie@rudypark.com. Dear Ask Sadie, My best friend chews, loudly, with his mouth open. It embarrasses me every time we eat out. I'm afraid if I point it out, it'll ruin our friendship. Do you have any suggestions as to how I can get the point across without hurting his feelings? - Andrea in Anaheim. Excellent question. Here's what you do ... Next time you eat lunch with your friend, bring a newspaper. Every time he chews

"Is this Randy the love doctor?" "Speaking. What ails you, sister?" "I spent months mocking this guy, and everyone who likes him ended up resenting me for that. But..." "...But now you've developed feelings for him and you want his people to like you?" "Yes, well the first part. How do I convince him all his people are insane so he'll never believe them and will trust only me?" "I'm about to give you advice that'll sound a lot like hanging up."

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

She - Interpreter - He.

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"I don't know who you are!"

Waiting for Pants

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

"New Year's resolutions are fine, but we should really focus on squad goals."

"There's no point in our being friends if you won't let me fix you."

"After all the trouble I've been in lately, I decided to hire a PR firm to repair my image."

'My wife doesn't understand me.'

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

"Juicy worms?! Oh yes, they're my favourites too..."

"I hate to break it to you, but you weren't his best friend."

"I'd like to get something for my wife. Do you have any olive branches?"

It's too hard to clean my closet. Take out everything. Throw them into "keep", "donate" or "toss" boxes. Ok. Done!

A woman repairs a broken heart.

"You can't leave! I haven't had dinner yet!"

"Our marriage has been experiencing a spot of turbulence lately."

Man looks for wife help from machine.

'That's your solution to everything, isn't it? Throw a bucket of glitter over it.'

"Nope - ya know what they say - an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure..."

'How should I know why my daughter has not spoken to me in over a month, stupid!'

'Agreed then? Your boy takes a dive in the fifth...'

The Awkwardly Informal Meet Up Group

"Do you want to watch another episode or heal our relationship?"

God's lil' fix-it shop.

Your Uncle Mort and Sadie are back from Canada. Are they still getting married? Yeah, but they're slowing things down. They're going to talk to someone about their problems. A counselor is always a good idea. They couldn't exactly afford a professional. He doesn't put the bathroom seat down.

"So you have a communication problem! Have you tried powerpoint?"

Power and the Glory tools

"Charlotte! Can't healing take some other form?"

"Hey, I'm in the mood for love—be back in a few hours."