Relationship Fixer-upper Gifts

"I wish you'd stop being so negative"

"Okay, up there, let's give 'er another try."

"Honey, can we talk?"

'We have a terrible relationship - he keeps beating me.'

'But we can't afford counseling. Can't we just have our marriage defragged?'

She - Interpreter - He.

boy plugging leak in a barrel with his finger

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"I don't know who you are!"

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

"It's a major fixer-upper. How's your marriage?"

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

'Of course the physical side of your relationship's broken down, you've let yourself go!'

'Apart from his awful workmanship, my hubby's handy work is fine.'

DIY information - 'Here you are - look it up yourself.'

The Upholstery Consultant

'I can't talk to my wife - all she says is `Baaah! Baaah!`!

"Larry made that chair from a pile of sticks."

'Not only did I fix the leak, but when you run the hot water it plays 'Harlem Nocturne'.'

Moe's Fix-It Shop - No Heroic Measures

'My wife doesn't understand me.'

'Buy this house sir, and you could be a star in a DIY make-over programme!'

Well paid job

"I'd like to get something for my wife. Do you have any olive branches?"

"There's nothing wrong with your marriage that an extra bathroom and walk-in closet can't solve."

DIY Store "I don't know why we come here..."

"Thanks for fixing the muffler."

"Our marriage has been experiencing a spot of turbulence lately."

'Now that you've got it running again, how do you stop it?'

Man looks for wife help from machine.

"My husband is ambidextrous....completely useless with either hand!"

'Did you remember to lock the house?'

Nail Ambush

'That's your solution to everything, isn't it? Throw a bucket of glitter over it.'

"Nope - ya know what they say - an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure..."