Relationship Fixer-upper Pillows

"I wish you'd stop being so negative"

"Okay, up there, let's give 'er another try."

"Honey, can we talk?"

'We have a terrible relationship - he keeps beating me.'

'But we can't afford counseling. Can't we just have our marriage defragged?'

She - Interpreter - He.

boy plugging leak in a barrel with his finger

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"I don't know who you are!"

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

"It's a major fixer-upper. How's your marriage?"

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

'Of course the physical side of your relationship's broken down, you've let yourself go!'

'Apart from his awful workmanship, my hubby's handy work is fine.'

DIY information - 'Here you are - look it up yourself.'

'I can't talk to my wife - all she says is `Baaah! Baaah!`!

The Upholstery Consultant

"Larry made that chair from a pile of sticks."

Moe's Fix-It Shop - No Heroic Measures

'My wife doesn't understand me.'

"There's nothing wrong with your marriage that an extra bathroom and walk-in closet can't solve."

DIY Store "I don't know why we come here..."

Well paid job

'Buy this house sir, and you could be a star in a DIY make-over programme!'

"I'd like to get something for my wife. Do you have any olive branches?"

"Thanks for fixing the muffler."

Man looks for wife help from machine.

"My husband is ambidextrous....completely useless with either hand!"

"Our marriage has been experiencing a spot of turbulence lately."

'Now that you've got it running again, how do you stop it?'

'How should I know why my daughter has not spoken to me in over a month, stupid!'

"Nope - ya know what they say - an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure..."

Chainsaw and Chair

'That's your solution to everything, isn't it? Throw a bucket of glitter over it.'

'Did you remember to lock the house?'