Friends Without Children Gifts

"Can we do that again tomorrow night?"

A young Don King

'Ahhh...'

I will study my speling words...

'X is unknown? Even to somebody with all your education?'

"What do you think I can get for it on the blackboard market?"

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

My book report is based on the audio book of the same name.

"Bad things happen to people who don't buy my cookies, Sir."

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN!, 'Boy, talk about psychobabbl!'

'Don't leave baby alone with this really cool tiny phone. It's a choking hazard.'

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

'I know what you're thinking, are those legal shoes.'

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

"I'm exempt from the company fitness program. I have triplets at home."

'Look. Billy Curry did a nude!'

"I wish they'd never discovered fertility drugs!"

'Still having problems finding a baby sitter?'

'You still owe me the pony from last year!'

Boys making skis from bits of fence.

"11th Grade Math for Nincompoops"

"Sure, helicopter parenting is bad but drone parenting is way worse."

Teacher to student: 'Nice use of glitter, but you were assigned to do math problems.'

Child steps off chair and says, 'Tough crowd.'(Cat looks impassive)

"Could you speak a little louder? I'm recording this."

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

"My homework is not done because our home modem is tool slow for downloading the answers."

Fat Kid 31- Pet slug runs amok

To save some cash my parents held my 8th B'day party at Lenny's Tap + Grill....

"Don't worry, Emily. . . I'm woke and you're woke, so I'm sure our baby will turn out woke!"

"How many times do I have to beep you?"

'You sure your dad won't mind if we use his silicone spray?'

'Grownups are stupid! How can you be good and have fun?'