Friends Without Children Pillows

One cup of coffee, please. Coming right up. Your son's adorable. Thank you. He's the light of my life. Do you have kids? No. I mean, not yet. I didn't mean to pry. That's just fine. What is? You can be childless and still live a very fulfilling life. Not for a second do I feel your existence will be any less rich without a little creature to hug and teach and carry on your legacy. Not for even one millisecond do I feel that way! Are you married? Gotta remember to lie in these situations.

"Can we do that again tomorrow night?"

A young Don King

'Ahhh...'

I will study my speling words...

'X is unknown? Even to somebody with all your education?'

"What do you think I can get for it on the blackboard market?"

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

My book report is based on the audio book of the same name.

"Bad things happen to people who don't buy my cookies, Sir."

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN!, 'Boy, talk about psychobabbl!'

'Don't leave baby alone with this really cool tiny phone. It's a choking hazard.'

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

'I know what you're thinking, are those legal shoes.'

"I'm exempt from the company fitness program. I have triplets at home."

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'Look. Billy Curry did a nude!'

"I wish they'd never discovered fertility drugs!"

'Still having problems finding a baby sitter?'

'You still owe me the pony from last year!'

Boys making skis from bits of fence.

"11th Grade Math for Nincompoops"

"Sure, helicopter parenting is bad but drone parenting is way worse."

Fat Kid 31- Pet slug runs amok

Teacher to student: 'Nice use of glitter, but you were assigned to do math problems.'

Child steps off chair and says, 'Tough crowd.'(Cat looks impassive)

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

"Could you speak a little louder? I'm recording this."

"Technology is for babies!"

"Don't worry, Emily. . . I'm woke and you're woke, so I'm sure our baby will turn out woke!"

"How many times do I have to beep you?"

To save some cash my parents held my 8th B'day party at Lenny's Tap + Grill....

"My homework is not done because our home modem is tool slow for downloading the answers."

'You sure your dad won't mind if we use his silicone spray?'