Child-free Couples Pillows

'We've decided not to have maggots.'

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

"Well, your feng shui isn't my feng shui."

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

'There are signs of improvement but I wouldn't order Christmas cards with both your names on them.'

"Given the high cost of raising kids, we opted instead to be childless billionaires."

"Of course I'm sorry for whatever it is I'm supposed to have done."

'My parents are out bonding at an annuities seminar. Would you like to leave a message?'

Already overworked at the Vlasic Plant, an exhausted stork shatters a young couple's dreams,

LOVENUTS: When asked her opinion on the subject, Didi simply gives a rueful smile.

'I fail to see the equality here. You have eight cats and I only have Casper.'

'And will you take this man to the cleaners....'

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'

"I'm a stay-at-home mom without kids."

Recycling - woman thinking of putting her partner in the recycling bin

'My member requires some interest.'

'With me and Dave it was definitely love at first sight. How about you two?'

'Have a nice day, dear. . . no need to get up and make coffee.'

"I'm off the leash, but I'm keeping my collar on."

'Kids get right up my nose!'

'She never stays mad at me for long.'

"Maybe we should just go ahead and have a kid."

"We thought about having kids, but we prefer the shetland ponies."

State trying to get young people to use Parks.

"Hey, not bad! You sound like a real couple already!"

"Of course it was good, Milton. . . But the best part is it took my mind off the condition the country is in for nearly twenty minutes!"

"You can be the mom. I want to be the family friend who has plants instead of babies.'

"If anyone asks, tell 'em I injured it while hunting, not gathering."

'OK, let's admit it. We both hog the covers.'

"Where would you like to be tonight, on top or bottom?"

'Oh, yes. He still has a lovely, full head of hair. It's his bank balance that's receding.'

'Well, we agree on one thing -- I wish you'd married Doris Day, too!'

"I'd like to have kids one day."

'No! No! You were keeping a note of what level we were on!'

"Yeah, we thought about having kids, but we didn't want to give up our lifestyle."