Child-free Couples Gifts

'We've decided not to have maggots.'

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

"Well, your feng shui isn't my feng shui."

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

'There are signs of improvement but I wouldn't order Christmas cards with both your names on them.'

"Given the high cost of raising kids, we opted instead to be childless billionaires."

"Of course I'm sorry for whatever it is I'm supposed to have done."

'My parents are out bonding at an annuities seminar. Would you like to leave a message?'

LOVENUTS: When asked her opinion on the subject, Didi simply gives a rueful smile.

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'

Already overworked at the Vlasic Plant, an exhausted stork shatters a young couple's dreams,

'I fail to see the equality here. You have eight cats and I only have Casper.'

'And will you take this man to the cleaners....'

Recycling - woman thinking of putting her partner in the recycling bin

"I'm a stay-at-home mom without kids."

"I'm off the leash, but I'm keeping my collar on."

'Have a nice day, dear. . . no need to get up and make coffee.'

'My member requires some interest.'

'Kids get right up my nose!'

'With me and Dave it was definitely love at first sight. How about you two?'

'She never stays mad at me for long.'

"Of course it was good, Milton. . . But the best part is it took my mind off the condition the country is in for nearly twenty minutes!"

"We thought about having kids, but we prefer the shetland ponies."

State trying to get young people to use Parks.

"Maybe we should just go ahead and have a kid."

"Hey, not bad! You sound like a real couple already!"

"You can be the mom. I want to be the family friend who has plants instead of babies.'

"If anyone asks, tell 'em I injured it while hunting, not gathering."

"Yeah, we thought about having kids, but we didn't want to give up our lifestyle."

'OK, let's admit it. We both hog the covers.'

'Have you notices that almost every butchery has a smiling cow or chicken in the logo? Isn't it ironic that those poor creatures are condemned to live a miserable life and besides, they are drawn with such a big smile?'

"I'd like to have kids one day."

'Oh, yes. He still has a lovely, full head of hair. It's his bank balance that's receding.'

"Where would you like to be tonight, on top or bottom?"

"I'd like a girl, and he wants a paternity test."