Friend With Young Children Gifts

"I came back because our manager needed more attention than my two-year-old."

"Technology is for babies!"

"Can we do that again tomorrow night?"

A young Don King

'Ahhh...'

I will study my speling words...

'X is unknown? Even to somebody with all your education?'

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

"What do you think I can get for it on the blackboard market?"

Twenty-first century baby walker

Timmy had one heck of a security blanket.

My book report is based on the audio book of the same name.

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

'You never compliment me when it's tidy so I figured you wouldn't notice when it's a tip!'

"Bad things happen to people who don't buy my cookies, Sir."

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN!, 'Boy, talk about psychobabbl!'

'Don't leave baby alone with this really cool tiny phone. It's a choking hazard.'

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

'I know what you're thinking, are those legal shoes.'

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

"I'm exempt from the company fitness program. I have triplets at home."

"I wish they'd never discovered fertility drugs!"

'Look. Billy Curry did a nude!'

'Still having problems finding a baby sitter?'

Boys making skis from bits of fence.

'You still owe me the pony from last year!'

"11th Grade Math for Nincompoops"

'How was I to know that my invisible friend was so rambunctious?'

"Sure, helicopter parenting is bad but drone parenting is way worse."

To save some cash my parents held my 8th B'day party at Lenny's Tap + Grill....

"Could you speak a little louder? I'm recording this."

Child steps off chair and says, 'Tough crowd.'(Cat looks impassive)

"Don't worry, Emily. . . I'm woke and you're woke, so I'm sure our baby will turn out woke!"

Teacher to student: 'Nice use of glitter, but you were assigned to do math problems.'

"My homework is not done because our home modem is tool slow for downloading the answers."