Friend's Children Gifts

"Oh, it's just more white-male stuff."

"Can we do that again tomorrow night?"

A young Don King

I will study my speling words...

'Ahhh...'

'X is unknown? Even to somebody with all your education?'

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

"What do you think I can get for it on the blackboard market?"

"I give up. Where's the power button?"

My book report is based on the audio book of the same name.

Twenty-first century baby walker

Timmy had one heck of a security blanket.

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

'Don't leave baby alone with this really cool tiny phone. It's a choking hazard.'

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN!, 'Boy, talk about psychobabbl!'

"Bad things happen to people who don't buy my cookies, Sir."

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

'I know what you're thinking, are those legal shoes.'

"I'm exempt from the company fitness program. I have triplets at home."

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

"I wish they'd never discovered fertility drugs!"

'Look. Billy Curry did a nude!'

'Still having problems finding a baby sitter?'

'You still owe me the pony from last year!'

"Our next contestant is Mildred and her specialist subject is "Other People's Business""

Boys making skis from bits of fence.

"11th Grade Math for Nincompoops"

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

"Sure, helicopter parenting is bad but drone parenting is way worse."

'How was I to know that my invisible friend was so rambunctious?'

To save some cash my parents held my 8th B'day party at Lenny's Tap + Grill....

Child steps off chair and says, 'Tough crowd.'(Cat looks impassive)

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

Teacher to student: 'Nice use of glitter, but you were assigned to do math problems.'

"Could you speak a little louder? I'm recording this."