Friend's Kid Gifts

'Please Miss, is it where Noah kept his bees?'

"Oh no! Buy new clothes so I can go on a date, and then I have to ask dad for a ride to the movies, and I got this pimple last week right on my chin! Why is this happening?!"

"Can we do that again tomorrow night?"

A young Don King

'Ahhh...'

I will study my speling words...

'X is unknown? Even to somebody with all your education?'

"What do you think I can get for it on the blackboard market?"

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

Timmy had one heck of a security blanket.

"I give up. Where's the power button?"

My book report is based on the audio book of the same name.

Twenty-first century baby walker

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN!, 'Boy, talk about psychobabbl!'

'Don't leave baby alone with this really cool tiny phone. It's a choking hazard.'

"Bad things happen to people who don't buy my cookies, Sir."

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

'I know what you're thinking, are those legal shoes.'

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

"I'm exempt from the company fitness program. I have triplets at home."

'Look. Billy Curry did a nude!'

'Still having problems finding a baby sitter?'

"Our next contestant is Mildred and her specialist subject is "Other People's Business""

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

Boys making skis from bits of fence.

"Their wedding registry has 8 place settings of double wall, stainless steel water bottles."

'You still owe me the pony from last year!'

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

"11th Grade Math for Nincompoops"

'How was I to know that my invisible friend was so rambunctious?'

"Sure, helicopter parenting is bad but drone parenting is way worse."

To save some cash my parents held my 8th B'day party at Lenny's Tap + Grill....

Child steps off chair and says, 'Tough crowd.'(Cat looks impassive)

Teacher to student: 'Nice use of glitter, but you were assigned to do math problems.'