Family Friends' Child Gifts

'How was I to know that my invisible friend was so rambunctious?'

"Can we do that again tomorrow night?"

'Einstein, the children are getting too complex for me.'

A young Don King

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

I will study my speling words...

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

'X is unknown? Even to somebody with all your education?'

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

"What do you think I can get for it on the blackboard market?"

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

A Communal Breakfast for the Young

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

"I give up. Where's the power button?"

A cow poos down a hole.'UH-OH!'

Timmy had one heck of a security blanket.

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

My book report is based on the audio book of the same name.

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

Twenty-first century baby walker

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN!, 'Boy, talk about psychobabbl!'

Danae's Career Plans: 'The major product manufactured today is punditry, so I'm honing my argumentative skills to work my way to the top of the blow hard industry..my goal is to become a spin ninja...'

"Bad things happen to people who don't buy my cookies, Sir."

'Well, Scout Smith, escort the little old lay across the street.'

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

'I know what you're thinking, are those legal shoes.'

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

Infantry.

Senior Jeopardy!

Mother pours bubble bath into child's plastic pool

"He's only energetic on sunny days."

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"