Friendly Philosopher Gifts

"I lost all my Facebook friends after I asked them to lend me some money."

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

At the 2021 Religious Games

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

"Apparently, when the tide came in, a lot of castles went bust."

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

"...and those are my deepest, most intimate feelings about our friendship."

Annual Swim Hundreds of Miles, Spawn and Die Marathon.

'Let the record show that I suggested primordial souffl'ee.'

Toys from the Pre School of Hard Knocks - Stumbling Blocks.

Meekness of Mr Pecksniff and his Charming Daughter

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

'There goes another one. Galileo, don't you have any idea what makes them do that?'

'How did he make the world in six days?'

"I'm supposed to be loyal, relieve stress, be 'Man's best friend'...I don't need this kind of pressure!"

"Just how many ways are there to skin a cat?"

"The meaning of life at a glance"

"Sorry, I can't - I have to be everywhere."

The Guru is away to negotiate movie rights for his best-selling book, 'Money Won't Make You Happy'."

I told you the King wasn't ready for irony!

"All of my friends are imaginary."

'Since you're a teacher, we picked this one from the Tree of Knowledge.'

Second-hand Slander and Innuendo £10

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

The Meaning of Life

"There's no point in our being friends if you won't let me fix you."

'Money can't buy friendship.'-'Neither can poverty.'

'I see you've been chasing parked cars again. Wanna talk about it?'

'Now, as many of you know, I was the Monkey's uncle...'

"Yesterday I got in touch with a childhood friend!"

"But Mom said to ask YOU!"

"I guess when you run out of Tooth Fairy teeth, you gotta go get a job!"

I was allowed to chew this. But not that

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'