Friendly Philosopher Gifts

"I lost all my Facebook friends after I asked them to lend me some money."

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

At the 2021 Religious Games

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

"Apparently, when the tide came in, a lot of castles went bust."

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

"...and those are my deepest, most intimate feelings about our friendship."

Annual Swim Hundreds of Miles, Spawn and Die Marathon.

'Let the record show that I suggested primordial souffl'ee.'

Toys from the Pre School of Hard Knocks - Stumbling Blocks.

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

'There goes another one. Galileo, don't you have any idea what makes them do that?'

Meekness of Mr Pecksniff and his Charming Daughter

'How did he make the world in six days?'

"I'm supposed to be loyal, relieve stress, be 'Man's best friend'...I don't need this kind of pressure!"

"Just how many ways are there to skin a cat?"

The Meaning of Life

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

"Sorry, I can't - I have to be everywhere."

The Guru is away to negotiate movie rights for his best-selling book, 'Money Won't Make You Happy'."

"The meaning of life at a glance"

Second-hand Slander and Innuendo £10

"All of my friends are imaginary."

"There's no point in our being friends if you won't let me fix you."

'Money can't buy friendship.'-'Neither can poverty.'

'Now, as many of you know, I was the Monkey's uncle...'

"Yesterday I got in touch with a childhood friend!"

"But Mom said to ask YOU!"

'I had multiple personalities.'

"I guess when you run out of Tooth Fairy teeth, you gotta go get a job!"

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'

'I see you've been chasing parked cars again. Wanna talk about it?'