Friend Going Through Loss Gifts

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

'Frank's last request was that he be cremated and that I never give up his season tickets.'

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

"And the person who made all those promises, this man you loved, trusted and ran away with, who subsequently stole your life savings and then abandoned you... is he in the courtroom today?"

"He's not gay, but he's often gay-adjacent."

Live Flower/Vase Flower - 'Julia?'

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

Cashflow - The milkman is here.

"And do you promise to love, honour, and give me all your personal information that I can pass on to third parties..."

"Then again, counselling doesn't always help everyone."

"I'm leaving and I'm taking your iTunes with me."

Hard Hat Area: Marriage Guidance Bureau.

"It's not a rescue, it's the IRS and my ex-wife's lawyer."

"The curse has been set – your ex's shoes will now squeak in the quietest of settings."

"Please excuse my appearance, but I don't have anywhere to wash and shave since my wife threw me out."

'Don't feel bad - some guys lose everything.'

'This sucks. Let's try and start the wave.'

I'm sure it's here somewhere!

'I'm sorry Roger, it's not you, it's the way you move, it's just so bizarre.'

"Yes, I suppose I do believe there's a big kennel in the sky."

"Perhaps it was thoughtless of me, perhaps not. I haven't given it much thought."

'What a lovely card.' 'Yes, and it's made from recycled paper. Which is apprpriate considering you're on the rebound.'

Breaking up is hard to do. Well, most of the time.

There's a tear in my beer.

Do I have grounds for a divorce? You're married...you have grounds.

'When Roger died, a little light went out.'

"Colin never bothered with a seatbelt. The pub quiz team never recovered."

"We never talk anymore...except thru your lawyer."

"And now, dear, I’m going to hum annoyingly and see how you like it."

"You could say he died rich. He had 10,000 friends on Facebook."

"'Vengeance is ours,' saith Courtland, Mumford & Blaine."

'Tunnel of divorce'