Fresh Food Fan Gifts

Freshest ice cream in town!

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

Counting ribs

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

"Two burgers, two fries, two martinis—and we'll have those to go."

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

'I made your favorite for dinner — pterodactyl nuggets!'

"Oh, no - not another farmer's market!"

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

Planting veggies

'I'm into natural foods, Joe -- give me a martini with a soybean in it.'

"Only 35% CACAO? I'll have to eat TWICE as much then!"

The proper term for our special promotion is Triple Cheeseburger with a Gazillion fries...not the triple bypass special!

"Is the garbage fresh?"

"I love finding my food at the Farmers Market. Makes me feel like a true pioneer."

Seafood: "Of course our food is fresh."

The miracle of 2-for-1 pizza.

A convenient attack of swine flu...

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

'The two-pounds-burger menu includes chips, a large drink and an arteriosclerosis treatment.'

'You'll love this, it has no nutritional value.'

Sisyphus Pizza

Now all meals contain 'Enzymate' for fast digestion.'

Supermarket Aisles: 'Good for the Environment' and 'Couldn't give a flying F@$#! about the environment!'

'Real hungry? Should be, 'Really hungry.' Adjectives take adverbs.'

Friendly bacteria

I assure you the animals didn't suffer. All of our meat comes from animals who died naturally of old age while vacationing in Miami.

'I didn't have time to hunt'

"You know they're trying too hard when the chef's special is Corn Dogs Bordelaise."

Man on Stilts in a Market