Fresh Food Fan T-Shirts

Freshest ice cream in town!

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

Counting ribs

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

"Two burgers, two fries, two martinis—and we'll have those to go."

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'

"Oh, no - not another farmer's market!"

'I made your favorite for dinner — pterodactyl nuggets!'

Planting veggies

'I'm into natural foods, Joe -- give me a martini with a soybean in it.'

The proper term for our special promotion is Triple Cheeseburger with a Gazillion fries...not the triple bypass special!

"I love finding my food at the Farmers Market. Makes me feel like a true pioneer."

"Only 35% CACAO? I'll have to eat TWICE as much then!"

"Is the garbage fresh?"

Seafood: "Of course our food is fresh."

The miracle of 2-for-1 pizza.

A convenient attack of swine flu...

'The two-pounds-burger menu includes chips, a large drink and an arteriosclerosis treatment.'

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

Now all meals contain 'Enzymate' for fast digestion.'

Sisyphus Pizza

Supermarket Aisles: 'Good for the Environment' and 'Couldn't give a flying F@$#! about the environment!'

'You'll love this, it has no nutritional value.'

'Real hungry? Should be, 'Really hungry.' Adjectives take adverbs.'

Friendly bacteria

I assure you the animals didn't suffer. All of our meat comes from animals who died naturally of old age while vacationing in Miami.

'I didn't have time to hunt'

"You know they're trying too hard when the chef's special is Corn Dogs Bordelaise."