Former Celebrity Gifts

All Washed Up

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

'Hi, my name is Bruce Wayne, but not THE Bruce Wayne!'

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

Meanwhile in Hollywood

The americanisation of vulture.

Marilyn Monroe - Spot the Difference

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

"This number goes out to all the little people I met on my way back down."

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

Little Red Riding Carpet

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Vanna White: The Later Years.

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

Tom Hanks

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

'You do realize you're no longer a pro athlete and there is no preseason to work out the kinks, don't you?'

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"