Celeb Enthusiast Gifts

"... And of course, because he's only a 'D-list celebrity' you'll get him much cheaper."

Showbiz Awards

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

Jack Gleeson

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

Bryan Ferry

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

Little Red Riding Carpet

You know how Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are known as "Kimye," and Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are known as "Branjelina"? I think we should combine "Lance" and "Gloria" into either "Lania" or "Glance." What do you think? I think I won't be needing a menu now, as I'll be busy gagging.

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

Tom Hanks

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

Music Hall Dancers

George Clooney Machine

"Is it 'Measure once, cut twice?' Or 'Cut once, then measure?' Or maybe it's..."

'It's one of the candidates for baptism. Wants to know if he can hold the hand that shook Elvis's hand above the water.'

"My spokesperson won't speak to me."

"You're wasting your time, I'll never understand which one is Liam Hemsworth and which one is Chris Hemsworth."

Hollywood Breakup

Ringo Starr

Parents start infant on the way to fame.

Maps to the homes of guys with friends who know some of the limo drivers of the personal trainers of the stars.

Harriet Walter

Leo McKern

Cleaner cleaning under the feet of the dancers as they perform

Michael Caine

Justin Timberlake

Morgue - "Welcome to 'Celebrity Autopsy'"

Viggo Mortensen

Larry King

'Man, I'm age 21 now and so far, I haven't done anything important. Things can't go on like this or I will have to forget my plan to become rich and famous by writing my autobiography at age 35!'

Meryl Streep

CELEBRITY NEWS TEAM"Now here's Frank Sinatra with the weather."