Celeb Enthusiast Gifts

"... And of course, because he's only a 'D-list celebrity' you'll get him much cheaper."

Showbiz Awards

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

Bryan Ferry

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

Little Red Riding Carpet

Tom Hanks

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

Music Hall Dancers

Cleaner cleaning under the feet of the dancers as they perform

"My spokesperson won't speak to me."

Harriet Walter

"Is it 'Measure once, cut twice?' Or 'Cut once, then measure?' Or maybe it's..."

Hollywood Breakup

Leo McKern

"You're wasting your time, I'll never understand which one is Liam Hemsworth and which one is Chris Hemsworth."

'Man, I'm age 21 now and so far, I haven't done anything important. Things can't go on like this or I will have to forget my plan to become rich and famous by writing my autobiography at age 35!'

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

Morgue - "Welcome to 'Celebrity Autopsy'"

"Remind me - if I'm no longer a footballer, and you're no longer a celebrity. . . why are we here?"

"You played yourself in your last picture. Everyone found it unconvincing."