Forest Comedians Gifts

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

Striving to reduce our dependence on fossil fuels, scientists attempt to harness the energy of a toddler's tantrum.

'If Earwigs looked like baby seals:'

'It's not easy being green on grass!'

'Hang on a minute: What does 'IVF' mean?!'

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

"What we're looking for is someone who think outside the box?"

Penguin

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

'But Honey, if we have kids, we won't be endangered anymore: We will lose all the social benefits and attention...'

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

"I see you have extensive wood chuckery experience."

"Of course I care about the environment, I never throw any clothes away."

Climate Conference. I'm glad you enjoyed my speech, but please don't call it the "high-water mark."

'...And if that doesn't work, grab your rifle and start blasting away.'

'I don't mind you singing, but I draw the line at your banjo playing.'

Alligator Bars

"It all comes down to the aging and fermentation process."

"Have you noticed Carl never leaves the field to go to the bathroom?"

'I'd say that our transport policy couldn't get any greener'

"This heat transfer dance had better work. I'm freezing my tail off!"

"I touched another squirrel's nuts. Any other questions?"

Crossing Guard to rabbit at Deer Crossing: 'Not so fast, buddy - you don't look like a deer to me!'

'Right, you peck his left paw, I'll go for the right one.'

'A tortoise is coming toward us' 'I newt' 'I toad you' 'Great, I'm on Walden Pun.'

"I know that birds of a feather should flock together, but I like hanging out with you guys..."

"It doesn't make me feel sexy, it makes me cross-eyed!"

"I think it stands for, 'Please Eat the Activist,' which is exactly what I did!"

Other things trees do in the forest when nobody's there to hear:

Birth of a shy/paranoid bird.

'Frankly, this isn't the sort of Bear contry I was expecting !'

"Hide? What do you mean hide? We are literally camouflage and they still eat us!"

'It's a very common plant on earth.'

'I'm in for being a killer. You?'