Footie Aficionado Gifts

Mutant Mootunes - Police Football Manager

"Portrait of a Lady"

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

Oscar would laugh whenever he recalled his empty existence before golf.

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

Punt Cake

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

If nobody had invented graphics

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'Fancy a game of five-a-side, boys?'

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

Bears

'Now that's the Group of Death.'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

Raheem Sterling

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

Football

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Big screen TV.

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

'I told him if he didn't get here quick he'd miss out on all the beer and food.'

Kenny Dalglish

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

"All of a dither as per usual!"

"Next time you score show a little respect and don't spike uncle Frank so hard."

Mohamed Salah

'When I'm not thinking about me, the Giants, the Knicks or the Yankees, I'm thinking about us.'