Football Widow Gifts

"Ars longa, Super Bowl brevis."

The three words every woman longs to hear: the football's finished.

"I'm single as well, I told my husband he had to choose between me and the World Cup."

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

I like the Jets...I guess

Football Fans

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

Bowled over again!

Church for sports worshipers.

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

If nobody had invented graphics

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

Punt Cake

'Another football scholarship offer?'

Football Chameleon

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

The trauma of losing.

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'OK, everybody, calm down,,,'

The Brothers Grime

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."