Sports Widow Gifts

"Yeah, we renewed our vows--his vow of silence and my vow of abstinence."

Hanging up the husband

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

"Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!"

'Still having problems finding a baby sitter?'

"We laughed. We cried. But mostly we watched TV."

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

'Your deceased husband keeps saying: don't call him. He'll call you.'

Cricket widow's revenge 2

"Apparently the will was typed up wrong and UCLA got all your husband's money...and you get his brain!"

'Is there a lady in the audience whose late husband says he never did put up that shelf?'

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

'We just figured that with the kids travelling so much for soccer, it made more sense to sell our house and get an RV.'

Mrs. Tree? A hockey ball hit your daughter. It's likely just a bad bruise. Whew! Though there could be a fracture, nerve damage or fatal blood clots. What? Don't worry. Our medical advisor is evaluating Twig right now. Can you sign this liability waiver? Her hand seems fine. Team lawyer.

"I just knew there had to be a better use for tomatoes than making boring old sandwiches."

Kurt's good. Look at his family. His dad and mom really know how the game is played! They're his personal coach and videographer. As I said

"I don’t know what it is, but every time the Bruins win, I love you more and more!"

"We got him onto an exercise bike, but I'm afraid it was too late."

"I'm afraid Larry sleeps with more than just the fishes."

'Run around with sharp objects and you'll poke an eye out!'

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."

Widow shows a portrait of herself

'Your late husband requests a status up date on how his stocks are doing...'

"I told you I wouldn't be any good at this game. Look, I've gone and hit the ball down one of those little holes again."

'...So what if all the other parents screamed at the umpire?...'

"I'm a free woman. Edgar tried to cross the road."

Arnold Hazlet and beloved wife Tamira (unless she married that guy across the street)

Lady to tombstone: 'Sam, I invested all of your money in an IPO last week ... we're millionaires!'

"Dead! How do you know he's dead? You're a dermatologist."

"Give me a sporting chance, love ... pass me my wicket-keeping gloves."

'Yes, we can easily place a gallon of Rocky Road in with your husband.'

"Go join your coach and the rest of your team. I'll be watching from the bar."

"I was able to get in one last lecture about diet and exercise."