Sports Mom Gifts

'Grandma would love to hear about your home run, Ryan...right after the flop.'

'...So what if all the other parents screamed at the umpire?...'

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

"Entering Minivan Territory: Healthy Snacks Strictly Enforced

'Still having problems finding a baby sitter?'

'My mum drives me to school. She says it isn't safe to walk with all the cars.'

"How do you expect him to grow up to be a pro if he doesn't start young?"

'We just figured that with the kids travelling so much for soccer, it made more sense to sell our house and get an RV.'

Mrs. Tree? A hockey ball hit your daughter. It's likely just a bad bruise. Whew! Though there could be a fracture, nerve damage or fatal blood clots. What? Don't worry. Our medical advisor is evaluating Twig right now. Can you sign this liability waiver? Her hand seems fine. Team lawyer.

'If he starts early enough, he could be the next Rory Mcilroy.'

Baby Footballer

Kurt's good. Look at his family. His dad and mom really know how the game is played! They're his personal coach and videographer. As I said

'I'm just your average suburban gladiator mum.'

'I'm all the athletic support my son will ever need!'

'How about wearing a limo driver's cap when taking me to practice?'

Soccer Moms

"Benjamin, we've discovered, is quite gifted at third base."

"Go join your coach and the rest of your team. I'll be watching from the bar."

'Wow! Feel that kick! I'm buying him a football for his first birthday!'

'And this one is for getting them to every one of their practice sessions in the 2008 season.'

"Dr. Behan?! Congratulations! It's a Boy!!!"

Things Your Mother Would Never Let You Do Olympic Games

Hanging up the husband

Little League Registration: "Um, I think we're gonna need to see your birth certificate again, son. . ."

'Get back to your seat, Mom. I can handle this.'

'A couple of the other dads and I were thinking of starting up a fight club. . . you in?'

'Have you ever seen that TV ad, 'Help, I'm sitting around gossiping and can't shut up', Timmy?'

"Yeah, we renewed our vows--his vow of silence and my vow of abstinence."

"So your soccer team lost...big deal! I lose things all the time!"

"I am standing up straight."

Another Rugby Star is Born.

"He needs more exercise. I recommend a team sport like hockey. He'd make a good goalie."

Thank you for not smacking

"Dad and son playing with rugby ball. Son runs up to ball and kicks it. Ball hits dad in nose - nose starts bleeding."

Vive La Résistance.