Soccer Mom Warrior Gifts

'I'm just your average suburban gladiator mum.'

Mom, there's a simple explanation for this...Aliens from outer space.

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

'Stop pulling that silly face, Dear.'

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

"Entering Minivan Territory: Healthy Snacks Strictly Enforced

"I guess for me family planning is just a study in fertility."

'If you take this job, you will need child care... that's my second job.'

'Beware of teething baby.'

'Still having problems finding a baby sitter?'

Buggy with Snowplow.

"No, our company doesn't provide day care or maternity leave."

'My mum drives me to school. She says it isn't safe to walk with all the cars.'

Pinata good bags.

Woman feeding baby is covered in food.

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

'Hey, Dad. We learned all about the Kama Sutra at school today... Oh no, not the Kama Sutra, I mean The Magna Carta.'

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'It's easy for you to climb the corporate ladder, you just lay your eggs and leave: No need for Maternity Leave!'

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

Baby Footballer

"She cries when I give it to her, she cries when I take it away."

"I changed my mind – no more kids."

"Noah, I'm tired of doing battle with you!"

"He keeps touching me!"

Soccer Moms

'...So what if all the other parents screamed at the umpire?...'

'We won't know how many diapers it takes to soak up a bathtub full of water until we get more diapers.'

"This ride is for parents and their kids."

Responsibility

'Getting other people's toddler's leftovers on a highchair is one thing, but getting their toddler, too, is another.'

'How about wearing a limo driver's cap when taking me to practice?'

"Don't worry. I'll be right back. I just need a little space."