Soccer Mom Warrior Pillows

'I'm just your average suburban gladiator mum.'

Mom, there's a simple explanation for this...Aliens from outer space.

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

'Stop pulling that silly face, Dear.'

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

"Entering Minivan Territory: Healthy Snacks Strictly Enforced

"I guess for me family planning is just a study in fertility."

'If you take this job, you will need child care... that's my second job.'

'Beware of teething baby.'

Buggy with Snowplow.

'Still having problems finding a baby sitter?'

"No, our company doesn't provide day care or maternity leave."

'My mum drives me to school. She says it isn't safe to walk with all the cars.'

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

Woman feeding baby is covered in food.

'Hey, Dad. We learned all about the Kama Sutra at school today... Oh no, not the Kama Sutra, I mean The Magna Carta.'

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'It's easy for you to climb the corporate ladder, you just lay your eggs and leave: No need for Maternity Leave!'

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

"He keeps touching me!"

"Noah, I'm tired of doing battle with you!"

"I changed my mind – no more kids."

Baby Footballer

"She cries when I give it to her, she cries when I take it away."

"This ride is for parents and their kids."

'We won't know how many diapers it takes to soak up a bathtub full of water until we get more diapers.'

'Getting other people's toddler's leftovers on a highchair is one thing, but getting their toddler, too, is another.'

"Don't worry. I'll be right back. I just need a little space."

'How about wearing a limo driver's cap when taking me to practice?'

'...So what if all the other parents screamed at the umpire?...'

Responsibility

'I'm all the athletic support my son will ever need!'