Soccer Mom Pillows

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

Thank you for not smacking

'My mum drives me to school. She says it isn't safe to walk with all the cars.'

'Have you ever seen that TV ad, 'Help, I'm sitting around gossiping and can't shut up', Timmy?'

'And this one is for getting them to every one of their practice sessions in the 2008 season.'

'The behaviour of some these ******* kids is a ******* disgrace, you wonder where they ***** get it from.'

'How about wearing a limo driver's cap when taking me to practice?'

"I guess for me family planning is just a study in fertility."

"Entering Minivan Territory: Healthy Snacks Strictly Enforced

'Still having problems finding a baby sitter?'

"How do you expect him to grow up to be a pro if he doesn't start young?"

'We just figured that with the kids travelling so much for soccer, it made more sense to sell our house and get an RV.'

Baby Footballer

Mrs. Tree? A hockey ball hit your daughter. It's likely just a bad bruise. Whew! Though there could be a fracture, nerve damage or fatal blood clots. What? Don't worry. Our medical advisor is evaluating Twig right now. Can you sign this liability waiver? Her hand seems fine. Team lawyer.

Soccer Moms

'...So what if all the other parents screamed at the umpire?...'

'I'm all the athletic support my son will ever need!'

'I'm just your average suburban gladiator mum.'

'And then Mindy had the nerve to call me a 'helicopter mom.' Me? In this wonderful jetpack! As if!'

"Dr. Behan?! Congratulations! It's a Boy!!!"

'Wow! Feel that kick! I'm buying him a football for his first birthday!'

"Go join your coach and the rest of your team. I'll be watching from the bar."

'I think Kenny's finally accepted fatherhood - he said he was off to play football with the kids.'

Little League Registration: "Um, I think we're gonna need to see your birth certificate again, son. . ."

Things Your Mother Would Never Let You Do Olympic Games

'Get back to your seat, Mom. I can handle this.'

"I am standing up straight."

I hope you brought enough beer boxes for all the dads.

Another Rugby Star is Born.

"So your soccer team lost...big deal! I lose things all the time!"

It's nice they can all join in, isn't it? Yes! My kids wiping the floor with your kid!

"OK, let's try the old 'tell Mommy her sweatpants make her look skinny distractor' on three."

"This is the fist time I've ever seen a tech support number of a soccer ball."

Vive La Résistance.

I hope you brought enough beer boxes for all the dads.