Soccer Mom Pillows

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

Thank you for not smacking

'My mum drives me to school. She says it isn't safe to walk with all the cars.'

'Have you ever seen that TV ad, 'Help, I'm sitting around gossiping and can't shut up', Timmy?'

'And this one is for getting them to every one of their practice sessions in the 2008 season.'

'The behaviour of some these ******* kids is a ******* disgrace, you wonder where they ***** get it from.'

'How about wearing a limo driver's cap when taking me to practice?'

"I guess for me family planning is just a study in fertility."

"Entering Minivan Territory: Healthy Snacks Strictly Enforced

'Still having problems finding a baby sitter?'

"How do you expect him to grow up to be a pro if he doesn't start young?"

Baby Footballer

'...So what if all the other parents screamed at the umpire?...'

'I'm just your average suburban gladiator mum.'

'I'm all the athletic support my son will ever need!'

'Wow! Feel that kick! I'm buying him a football for his first birthday!'

"Dr. Behan?! Congratulations! It's a Boy!!!"

"Go join your coach and the rest of your team. I'll be watching from the bar."

'And then Mindy had the nerve to call me a 'helicopter mom.' Me? In this wonderful jetpack! As if!'

Things Your Mother Would Never Let You Do Olympic Games

Little League Registration: "Um, I think we're gonna need to see your birth certificate again, son. . ."

'Get back to your seat, Mom. I can handle this.'

Another Rugby Star is Born.

"I am standing up straight."

"So your soccer team lost...big deal! I lose things all the time!"

It's nice they can all join in, isn't it? Yes! My kids wiping the floor with your kid!

"This is the fist time I've ever seen a tech support number of a soccer ball."

"OK, let's try the old 'tell Mommy her sweatpants make her look skinny distractor' on three."

Vive La Résistance.

'I just felt it kick again, Charlie - I think he's going to be a football superstar!'

Thank you for not flying into a rage and pummeling the ref!!

'Of course I bailed you out - you've got soccer tonight.'

"How did Megan's soccer game go? I've never seen such anger, violence, name calling, threats...those parents made me so mad!"

Had to run the kids to soccer. There's a can of microwave slop on the counter.