Soccer Mom Humor Pillows

'I made the team, Mom, and so did you! I volunteered you for team driver.'

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

"Entering Minivan Territory: Healthy Snacks Strictly Enforced

'My mum drives me to school. She says it isn't safe to walk with all the cars.'

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

'Robert.....Why do you think they call slanted letters italics.'

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'

Ref shows footballer green card.

Soccer Moms

My New Year's resolution is to be a better person. Very noble. I want to work harder to improve the planet. What's your resolution, mom? Pretty much the same. To be a better-looking person? Hey! It's planetary cleanup. Nan's Hair and Nails.

'I'm just your average suburban gladiator mum.'

'...So what if all the other parents screamed at the umpire?...'

'How about wearing a limo driver's cap when taking me to practice?'

'Before you return Principal Harris's phone call, I would like to remind you that having a 'living' dependant is an excellent tax deduction.'

'Now that's what I call a tackle, Brian'

'And this one is for getting them to every one of their practice sessions in the 2008 season.'

FIFA scandal

VAR - a nail in the football coffin...

Vuvuzela bin.

'It looks like your son hasn't changed his underwear in a year,'

'Get back to your seat, Mom. I can handle this.'

What's that annoying buzzing noise? (Vuvuzelas)

'You can't go around writing graffiti on every wall you see!' (Football defensive wall).

'Remember, it's YOUR benefit game - go out and foul whoever you like!'

'Have you ever seen that TV ad, 'Help, I'm sitting around gossiping and can't shut up', Timmy?'

"Mom always was a helicopter mom, and now she's got a drone!"

Thank you for not smacking

'You don't have to worry about Rover not getting enough exercise, Edith. I signed him up at the health club.'

"'Footcube', eh? It's a game-changer, alright."

"The Boss said that I should d more diving inside the box..."

Ruud Gullit's 'sexy football'

Vive La Résistance.