Mom Jokes Fan Pillows

My New Year's resolution is to be a better person. Very noble. I want to work harder to improve the planet. What's your resolution, mom? Pretty much the same. To be a better-looking person? Hey! It's planetary cleanup. Nan's Hair and Nails.

The Poky Little Pupa.

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

"I need to know who started it."

'Son, sometimes I think you don't know your head from your tail. Come to think of it, it is tough.'

Sperm Whale.

"How do you know you don't like New York if you've never even tasted it?"

Chilly baby.

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

'I did tell you there were speed bumps in this via.'

Man painting MOM on boat

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

"Sure, Mom, I'll eat first, but then can we discuss my 'overseas adoption'?"

'Please tell me I'm adopted.'

"Michael, do your dinner."

'Go on Darling, play in the soil-pit for a while...'

'It's a new record, mom - there are six of us in here!'

"The fish isn't renewable, but I know the fisherman has 6 kids and counting."

"What happens if you get the headphones in the wrong ear?"

'Yeachh! This isn't easy when they're not potty trained.'

"Is this because I didn’t eat my kale?"

"It's true she's back to the same weight she was on her wedding day, but remember that she was 9 months pregnant with triplets then..."

"No arguing mister! I want you to eat at least one pea!"

'Pack your things we're moving.'

'My mom invented baths!'

"This dog has wheels!"

'Until I met your Mom, yes.'

'Gee, mom, how DID that happen? Maybe we better Google it!'

"You wanted me to mow all the grass?"

'You like that? Okay, ONE MORE TIME! The wheels on the bus go round and round!...'

Lifeguard for bath - You spoil that child.

'With so many children, I can't afford to live in a choo anymore.'

'Look, he's taking his first steps.'

"My mom said she wishes when I grow up I have a kid just like me. It just occurred to me that she didn't mean that as a compliment."

"Could you please put my Mom on your no call list?"