Mom Jokes Fan Gifts

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

"I need to know who started it."

'Son, sometimes I think you don't know your head from your tail. Come to think of it, it is tough.'

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

Chilly baby.

Man painting MOM on boat

'I did tell you there were speed bumps in this via.'

'Please tell me I'm adopted.'

"Sure, Mom, I'll eat first, but then can we discuss my 'overseas adoption'?"

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

'It's a new record, mom - there are six of us in here!'

'Go on Darling, play in the soil-pit for a while...'

"Michael, do your dinner."

"The fish isn't renewable, but I know the fisherman has 6 kids and counting."

'Until I met your Mom, yes.'

"What happens if you get the headphones in the wrong ear?"

'My mom invented baths!'

'Yeachh! This isn't easy when they're not potty trained.'

"Is this because I didn’t eat my kale?"

"No arguing mister! I want you to eat at least one pea!"

'Pack your things we're moving.'

"This dog has wheels!"

"It's true she's back to the same weight she was on her wedding day, but remember that she was 9 months pregnant with triplets then..."

"You wanted me to mow all the grass?"

"Useful things, fridge magnets"

"Could you please put my Mom on your no call list?"

'With so many children, I can't afford to live in a choo anymore.'

"You cheated on the assignment and got an A? Glad to see you've learned a useful life skill."

"My mom said she wishes when I grow up I have a kid just like me. It just occurred to me that she didn't mean that as a compliment."

Lifeguard for bath - You spoil that child.

'Look, he's taking his first steps.'