Soccer Mom Humorist Gifts

Soccer Moms Against Corruption

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

"Entering Minivan Territory: Healthy Snacks Strictly Enforced

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

'The cool thing about being a kangaroo is that I can actually watch my baby grow...'

The Mothership

'My mum drives me to school. She says it isn't safe to walk with all the cars.'

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

'Robert.....Why do you think they call slanted letters italics.'

"They also left a pamphlet on the benefits of breast feeding."

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

'No, I've not got names for them but I've got one for my husband!'

'Breastfeeding twins doesn't sound that hard to me...'

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'

Ref shows footballer green card.

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

'How about wearing a limo driver's cap when taking me to practice?'

'Oooh, I love what you've done with your hair...That top looks lovely on you and have you lost weight?'

'I'm just your average suburban gladiator mum.'

'...So what if all the other parents screamed at the umpire?...'

'Before you return Principal Harris's phone call, I would like to remind you that having a 'living' dependant is an excellent tax deduction.'

'Now that's what I call a tackle, Brian'

'And this one is for getting them to every one of their practice sessions in the 2008 season.'

'Oh, sure, the world gets a savior, and what do I get? Hemorrhoids the size of grapefruits!'

VAR - a nail in the football coffin...

'I sentence you to hard labor.'

'And she's got the gall to call me chubby.' - Hubert's comment on a pregnancy.

'The noise is terrible and the view is horrible. So much for good working conditions.'

FIFA scandal

"You could say that. I had a D-section."

'I've had so many caesareans, I've got a zip.'

'It looks like your son hasn't changed his underwear in a year,'

'Get back to your seat, Mom. I can handle this.'