Sporting Widow Gifts

'Stop moaning, Doris - you know you don't like football'

Revenge pawn

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

"Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!"

'Still having problems finding a baby sitter?'

"We laughed. We cried. But mostly we watched TV."

Cricket widow's revenge 2

'Your deceased husband keeps saying: don't call him. He'll call you.'

"Apparently the will was typed up wrong and UCLA got all your husband's money...and you get his brain!"

'Is there a lady in the audience whose late husband says he never did put up that shelf?'

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

"I just knew there had to be a better use for tomatoes than making boring old sandwiches."

"I'm afraid Larry sleeps with more than just the fishes."

Kurt's good. Look at his family. His dad and mom really know how the game is played! They're his personal coach and videographer. As I said

"I don’t know what it is, but every time the Bruins win, I love you more and more!"

"We got him onto an exercise bike, but I'm afraid it was too late."

'Run around with sharp objects and you'll poke an eye out!'

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."

'...So what if all the other parents screamed at the umpire?...'

Widow shows a portrait of herself

'Your late husband requests a status up date on how his stocks are doing...'

"I told you I wouldn't be any good at this game. Look, I've gone and hit the ball down one of those little holes again."

"I'm a free woman. Edgar tried to cross the road."

Arnold Hazlet and beloved wife Tamira (unless she married that guy across the street)

Lady to tombstone: 'Sam, I invested all of your money in an IPO last week ... we're millionaires!'

"Dead! How do you know he's dead? You're a dermatologist."

"There, there. Try to remember how much he annoyed you."

"Give me a sporting chance, love ... pass me my wicket-keeping gloves."

"He was such a hypochondriac, he insisted on being buried next to a health professional."

'Yes, we can easily place a gallon of Rocky Road in with your husband.'

'This is your seventh husband who has disappeared without a trace... Boy, you're unlucky...'

'Dad could use one of these when he's playing golf.'

"Dr. Behan?! Congratulations! It's a Boy!!!"