Sporting Widow Pillows

'Stop moaning, Doris - you know you don't like football'

Revenge pawn

"Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!"

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

'Still having problems finding a baby sitter?'

"We laughed. We cried. But mostly we watched TV."

'Your deceased husband keeps saying: don't call him. He'll call you.'

Cricket widow's revenge 2

'Is there a lady in the audience whose late husband says he never did put up that shelf?'

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'

"We got him onto an exercise bike, but I'm afraid it was too late."

"I'm afraid Larry sleeps with more than just the fishes."

"I just knew there had to be a better use for tomatoes than making boring old sandwiches."

"I don’t know what it is, but every time the Bruins win, I love you more and more!"

'Run around with sharp objects and you'll poke an eye out!'

'...So what if all the other parents screamed at the umpire?...'

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."

"I told you I wouldn't be any good at this game. Look, I've gone and hit the ball down one of those little holes again."

"I'm a free woman. Edgar tried to cross the road."

'Your late husband requests a status up date on how his stocks are doing...'

Widow shows a portrait of herself

Arnold Hazlet and beloved wife Tamira (unless she married that guy across the street)

Lady to tombstone: 'Sam, I invested all of your money in an IPO last week ... we're millionaires!'

"Dead! How do you know he's dead? You're a dermatologist."

"I was able to get in one last lecture about diet and exercise."

"He was such a hypochondriac, he insisted on being buried next to a health professional."

"... and to my husband I leave f*** all!"

'Dad could use one of these when he's playing golf.'

"Give me a sporting chance, love ... pass me my wicket-keeping gloves."

'This is your seventh husband who has disappeared without a trace... Boy, you're unlucky...'

"There, there. Try to remember how much he annoyed you."

"Dr. Behan?! Congratulations! It's a Boy!!!"

'Yes, we can easily place a gallon of Rocky Road in with your husband.'