Football Season Gifts

'For the last time, Jeff, it's called a huddle! Stop saying Group Hug!'

'Call it in the air: raised digits or magnetic strip.'

"You always say you're just resting your eyes and then you end up hibernating."

"First, I'd like to blame the Lord for causing us to lose today."

Tortoises have football helmets and traffic cones for shells.

Atlas holds up a football.

Football player has head instead of ball.

Woman with CS Gas while man watches football - "This is for if there's any crowd trouble."

Bird steals the football.

'What the . . . no wonder we can't gain any yards. We've been fitted with radio collars...'

"That replacement ref is going to get me killed before I can collect the bounty on the other team's quarterback."

The feeding frenzy has begun, gorging ourselves on bowl after bowl of college football.

Stretcher Header.

"Your husband has been diagnosed with 'football fever.' It's a common illness this time of year."

'The start of the Premiership and the return of Match of the Day - there goes his Aitkins diet....'

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

Fantasy Football Betting Pool

'They're gonna punt. ... Release the special teams.'

'Do you have anything you'd like to say to me before the football season starts?'

'What does United have to do to win the championship?' - 'Win nine out of their last four matches.'

'Just made a pass. I'm running for the end zone.'

"So how's that math grade looking? What's the team GPA this year?"

"Wait! Stop! He changed his mind."

"The post-touchdown celebrations are getting out of hand."

Coach Prime Cleans House

"Same thing every September. He begins to doubt the existence of man, then football season begins, and he snaps out of it."

"Say, Coach. . . since we always get beat by 40 points or more, it might make more sense to hold our moment of prayer before the game, not after."

'What's the name of our new mascot again?' 'Mopey.'

"Oh, wait. He's on their side."

'Quick! Play dead!'

"Okay, let's celebrate this touchdown and try not to disappoint our new offensive choreographer."

Bowled over again!

No Time-Outs Left. Please Help.

Head-butt! I love football season. I hate football season.

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.