Football Season Gifts

'For the last time, Jeff, it's called a huddle! Stop saying Group Hug!'

'Call it in the air: raised digits or magnetic strip.'

"You always say you're just resting your eyes and then you end up hibernating."

"First, I'd like to blame the Lord for causing us to lose today."

Atlas holds up a football.

Football player has head instead of ball.

Woman with CS Gas while man watches football - "This is for if there's any crowd trouble."

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

Stretcher Header.

Bird steals the football.

'What the . . . no wonder we can't gain any yards. We've been fitted with radio collars...'

The feeding frenzy has begun, gorging ourselves on bowl after bowl of college football.

'What does United have to do to win the championship?' - 'Win nine out of their last four matches.'

"So how's that math grade looking? What's the team GPA this year?"

"Your husband has been diagnosed with 'football fever.' It's a common illness this time of year."

'They're gonna punt. ... Release the special teams.'

'Do you have anything you'd like to say to me before the football season starts?'

'The start of the Premiership and the return of Match of the Day - there goes his Aitkins diet....'

Fantasy Football Betting Pool

'Just made a pass. I'm running for the end zone.'

"The post-touchdown celebrations are getting out of hand."

"Same thing every September. He begins to doubt the existence of man, then football season begins, and he snaps out of it."

"Wait! Stop! He changed his mind."

"Whaddaya say we head home and curl up in front of a nice warm football game?"

"A four-year, $60 million contract and he can't even do a decent end-zone dance!"

"Watch out for the linebacker over the middle and the guy in section 7 whose point spread you ruined."

Coach Prime Cleans House

"Oh, wait. He's on their side."

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

"Okay, let's celebrate this touchdown and try not to disappoint our new offensive choreographer."

'Quick! Play dead!'

'What's the name of our new mascot again?' 'Mopey.'

'What do you mean someone stole the coin used in the coin toss?'

"So, after five glorious weeks, football is coming home!"

"Hibernation's over, Liam, football's started again!"