Football Funny Bone Gifts

'I was dropped from the insect football team... it took me too long to put my boots on!'

'I think I know what the problem is!'

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

"Dear, did something happen at the office?"

"So when my dad said I couldn't have a dog..."

An early space launch attempt.

"Hurry, stop him!" (Dog running off with bone from man's x-ray).

'I did my research paper on Bart Simpson!'

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

"She's losing a lot of cream cheese. We're going to have to cut her open."

'Is it okay to apologize for something I'm going to do?'

Excess Baggage: Some folks believe that calories consumed during vacation do not count against your diet.

'And then as the young rat turned around, he realized he was in the junior high, block one dissection class!'

Cut out and keep your own Gardener!

'In tonight's debate, Ms. Johnson will argue the merits of accrual-based accounting, while Mr. Wilcox will defend the 'Don't Be Accrual' method!'

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

'Ha, ha! But seriously folks...'

"I just wish that, for once, when he asked me what I wanted, it wasn't followed by 'for Christmas?'"

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

Entertaining The Troops On Wall Street

'Well Alice. Now do you know what cull means?'

Movers and shakers.

'You can't sit like that all the way through the Budget.'

'I'm afraid it's mad cow disease.'

Menu. Everything looks so delicious! Thank you!

'Hand me that gizmo, will you please?'

'It's going to be hard to get lost in these woods!'

That's the worst case of 'cow arse' I've seen in a child!

tax

"I can hear Jingle Bells!"

"Care to support the caterers courtesy campaign?" "Do you mind I'm trying to eat!"

'No, there isn't any shrimp in the 'Shrimp Surprise' -- It's just called that because it's not all that surprising.'

Dog at a restaurant

"Something that makes me look unfit for human consumption."

"Okay, what if we go outside - will it still be insider trading then?"