Food Processor Gifts

Ideas that Failed: Fluoridated Beer and Wine.

Bottled water straight from the Potomac, Congo and Ganges. Bottled waters that never had much market share.

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

'A little piece of advice, Verl. . . cut your sandwich loaf on a diagonal . . . that way people will think they're gettin' more.'

'I cleaned over thirty fish today.' - 'That takes guts.'

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

Wendy likes horses...and she is a keen cook.

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"Karen's idea of wine reduction..."

“Our numbers grow greater and greater. Soon the era of the spices will be at hand”

Surprise in the salad bowl

Recipe involving the switching off of the smoke alarm...

Culinary surgery.

'I don't know how much more of this I can take!'

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

Bonita shows up late for the girls' Thursday night 'Jam Session'.

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

A butcher and his apprentice.

"You know, it really wasn’t that bad."

"All good things must come to an end...unless I use both of my giant-size super-pots."

Macho Vegetarian

"Please stay on the line – your caul is important to us."

'Are you sure you don't have any Indian blood?.'

'What?! Not even one of you wants to see how they're made?'

"How much longer on your visionary gnocchi, Stefano?"

"Don't worry...the national immigrant work stoppage does not include our kitchen."

'I'm in the mood to cook!'

Murderous Chef

Chef: 'Howz that Octopus coming along Jeff?'