Food Preparer Gifts

'Dressing the Salad. Why?'

"Can't talk now, I'm dicing with death, we're doing stir-fry."

Counting ribs

LAY ZEE FUK

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

Domestic Goddess.

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

'A little piece of advice, Verl. . . cut your sandwich loaf on a diagonal . . . that way people will think they're gettin' more.'

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

'I cleaned over thirty fish today.' - 'That takes guts.'

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"No thanks, I brought my lunch."

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

Horn of Leftovers

Wendy likes horses...and she is a keen cook.

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

'How is the water prepared?'

"There are no croutons. I use tater tots on my salad."

“Our numbers grow greater and greater. Soon the era of the spices will be at hand”

Surprise in the salad bowl

"Karen's idea of wine reduction..."

Recipe involving the switching off of the smoke alarm...

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

Culinary surgery.

Bottled water straight from the Potomac, Congo and Ganges. Bottled waters that never had much market share.

"Who shaves the fennel in your family?"

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

'I don't know how much more of this I can take!'

Bonita shows up late for the girls' Thursday night 'Jam Session'.