Food Prep Gifts

'Dressing the Salad. Why?'

LAY ZEE FUK

Counting ribs

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

Domestic Goddess.

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

Hungry child

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

'Like death by salad.'

'A little piece of advice, Verl. . . cut your sandwich loaf on a diagonal . . . that way people will think they're gettin' more.'

'I cleaned over thirty fish today.' - 'That takes guts.'

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Yo - I'm way overdone in here!"

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

Horn of Leftovers

Wendy likes horses...and she is a keen cook.

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!

Surprise in the salad bowl

"There are no croutons. I use tater tots on my salad."

"Karen's idea of wine reduction..."

“Our numbers grow greater and greater. Soon the era of the spices will be at hand”

Recipe involving the switching off of the smoke alarm...

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

"Who shaves the fennel in your family?"