Food Phobic Gifts

"I don't really hate vegetables...but they're my last line of defense before liver and onions."

Counting ribs

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

Fast Food Dieter

A convenient attack of swine flu...

'Hey, I told you this place wasn't easy to get into.'

'Real hungry? Should be, 'Really hungry.' Adjectives take adverbs.'

"Yes, I'm sure some child in Brussels won't starve if you eat his sprouts."

"Our greatest fears are confirmed, they've taken waffle fries off the menu."

Inappropriate garnish.

"If medical science wants to be really relevant, it would find a way to let me eat all the bacon I want!"

"My doctor told me to get more exercise by walking a pet, but he didn't specify it had to be a dog."

'Do you have a traditional Christmas dinner, but for a lacto-vegan fruitarian?'

"That banquet was most delicious, and yet now, somehow, once again I feel the pang of hunger.'

Waiting staff

'Three, two, one. Stand clear.'

'Perhaps monsieur found the Vichyssoise 'crunchy' because the soup bowl was not edible.'

All You Can Eat

'This is quite common. You've eaten so many sausages that you've turned into one.'

"I want proof that I even need that much iron before I go eating all that spinach."

Cook spills food and has to open a can (tin).

Cutlery store: Big Sale! Everything slashed!

'Madam, we do not discuss Julia Child at Maison Henri.'

"Can I substitute saltwater taffy for the five servings of seafood?"

"Doctor, before we start you've got to promise me that I don't have to give up anything."

Gentrification of the Fridge.

'How many Breadsticks have you eaten?'

'I went home the other day and smelt a delicious meal cooking in the kitchen... then I realized I'd gone to the wrong house!'

Capturing a Cook